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Muted Conversations IV

1:29am, 7th November, 2018.
I am in front of a laptop screen, writing my way into the night, streaming thoughts from insanity while trying to figure out why my eyes are still wide open.

Apparently, i feel really sad.
Sad that people can be so easily deceived by what they hear.
I was speaking to a friend of mine and he was telling me how my name has been tossed about with bats of disdain and backbiting for things i have never done.
 
True, i have my flaws and i try in my little ways to admit them when they rear their ugly heads. I'm in a period of emotional rehabilitation and it's only a matter of time before i regain my sanity once again. But is that why some beings with coconut brains would see that as an opportunity to chew my name to bits of contempt?
 
Truth is: I'm actually laughing at what i just wrote because it is fun for me to see people break their heads gossiping about things i didn't do. That means you have a place in their hearts, either through envy or admiration.
 
However, i was planning on writing a poem about distance and how it ruins relationships but i think i would just do a pseudo-poem about it. here it goes...
 
******
Babe, i would have said i miss you but that would be a betrayal of trust on my part,
Because distance is a bitch, you know we do not deserve to be apart.
A part of me says, "Call her" but i know what i feel when i call you each time. so i reject that inner voice.
But you at the other end would have me in thoughts, waiting for my call and because you do not want to feel too needy, recline to hug your teddy bear.
The truth is that, missing you is sheer frustration, one that comes with a pain i battle with within, so i cling to the nugget: "Out of sight is out of mind" like a teddy bear too, to console me from the plethora of restlessness that plagues my mind everyday.
*******

Sometimes i happen to see absence as a noun and a verb at the same time because...
Absence carries a presence(noun) that is only made manifest(verb) when you are not around.
And while i am trying so hard to survive under this scorching heat of not seeing you face to face, holding your hands and scattering your hair. I hope you would understand when i decide not to call till i'm sure i would see you in three days time...whenever that will be.
 
++with love always++

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