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"I cannot breakdown..."

"i cannot breakdown...."

this is the lie i tell myself
while my heart is on the verge
of loosing itself.

sometimes i stare
in silent transitions
between fantasy and reality
and feel like a tortoise without limbs
curled in its own shell.

"who told you, you can move mountains
when you can't even pick a pin.
you lazy Nigerian youth.
your failures stink like the stone cold faeces
of a chimpanzee i saw passing
on daydreams street yesterday"

...said stagnation.

Yes, that being that has decided to
put me in a state of mental depravity
it's like my thoughts are caving in...to a bottle
of dreams and aspirations left to ferment.

that demon that feeds you with the
memory
of your failures.
and all you see is how you shouldn't have followed this path or missed the other path
forgetting that action and reaction
are equal and opposite.

From this bottle of dreams.
i drink everyday.
forgetting the failures of yesterday.
assuring myself that God will make a way
where there seems to be no way.

from the bottle, hope tells me.
"linger on.
the race is not for the swift.
but for those who with patience and resilience,
surmounted all odds."

"i repeat... i cannot breakdown"
an assurance i give myself.
when pressure chokes you to breathlessness.
you are crying and struggling to breathe
and weak to do anything at the same time

because

you have to hold on.
go through the fire.
refined like pure gold
through it's floating mould of impurities.

"i repeat.... i cannot breakdown"
when i have already broken down
in tears.
constrained to chains that limits
the extent to which you can move mountains.

with fetters spawned from clay.
you are ridiculed and spat on by.
the mistakes you made the other day.

"i still repeat... I CANNOT BREAK DOWN!"

Sometimes it seems like the downtimes will last forever.
and most times i develop this nostalgic fever.
but in the end i know that,
Joy will definitely flow... like a river.

(c) Danny El.

#relicsOfTheFray

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